I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think your dad took our porno
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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