now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
