I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
