Someone shit on the floor
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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