Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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