I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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