and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
