So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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