we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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