I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
