He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the day after is always just damage control
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
