So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Green mimosas i think yes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
