Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
