I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
