U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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