when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
