I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
