I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
