dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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