I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The adults are the big ones right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
