If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
