hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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