I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
