dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
