I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
