I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
