he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
