i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
