Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
