After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
