I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
