And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
