i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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