Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
