I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
