We named our party play list daddy issues
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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