I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
