just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
