remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
