There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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