Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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