Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
