Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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