that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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