I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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