i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
