Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.

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(818): View more from California

I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.

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(213): View more from California

I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus

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(914): View more from New York

Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO

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(530): View more from California

Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine

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(585): View more from New York

I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.

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