Only a mothe r could love this liver
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well I just put wine in my tea
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
