I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
