Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
