I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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