remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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