ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
