My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
