just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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