Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My feet surprised me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
